Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
