As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
