ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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