Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
