Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
