I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
