4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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