I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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