An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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