I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
