we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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