just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize