Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
