is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
