from now on my penis is your penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize