HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
NoShamevember. You game?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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