So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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