Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize