That's when you crack a 10am beer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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