I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
