Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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