I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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