i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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