True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
