your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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