So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
