There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
