I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize