There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
