I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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