Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
