I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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