May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
