you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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