Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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