so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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