Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize