I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
