apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
