Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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