My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize