the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
