In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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