but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
