feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize