I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
