I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize