Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
