The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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