if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I look better un-naked...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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