those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
