I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
