when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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