I wish my penis had an off switch
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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