i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
