you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
