So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
