I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
