Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Vodka?
Forever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
