It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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