i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
