i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
