Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
