My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
