I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
