You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
