had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
