I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
