Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
