I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize