and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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