dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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