maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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