i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
