I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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