i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
