I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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