So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
