Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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