Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
