How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
