Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
