This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You left your phone here
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