I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
