Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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