first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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