she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
