mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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