I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
