I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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