Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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