You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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