Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
