You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize