I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
