i need an iv and a liver transplant
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
