I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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