"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
