pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
